New Year, New You?

Hello beautiful people of the Internet, how's life? 

I'd like to begin with a big Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Boxing Day, Happy EVERYTHING! I hope all of your celebrations were amazing and unforgettable with family, food, and fun. Now, onto a bit of reflection. 

2014

What a year. This has honestly been one of my favorites thus far. It definitely hasn't all been perfect, but the majority of it has been unforgettable. I started this blog at the beginning of this year and never would I thought that it get up to over 600 views by the end of the year, and from all over the world! Like I've had people reading it in France, Germany, everywhere. I never would have thought I'd keep it up as well. I wasn't exactly as consistent as I could have been, but maybe that will be the goal of 2015. More posts, even if they're just little updates. 

The year began with more snow days than you could imagine and ended with a brown Christmas. I traveled to New York, Texas, Illinois, Wisconsin, England, France, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, and Italy. I met some amazing people, and quite possibly lost a few along the way. I began to focus more on art. I saw amazing concerts. I slept and danced and ate and sang and talked and laughed and cried and experienced life for what it truly is. I thought about the future and began to be afraid, afraid of what's to come, afraid that I won't be prepared for it, but really why should I be afraid of what's yet to come, something that I can't exactly control? But the decisions I'm making now really are effecting my future, so you see my dilemma. I guess we all experience this feeling on occasions and I don't believe there's a solution or a way to prevent it. It's just a part of life. Uncertainty, the silent killer. The movie is in development now... 

What I really wanted to talk about though was not the year I had, but the scary future that I was just talking about by moving forward into the new year. You know how the saying goes... "New year, new me," and I can't help but find it a bit ridiculous. No matter what I propose to change about myself, I'm still going to be the same old Belle, sleeping until noon whenever possible, procrastinating anything involving school, eating junk food, avoiding conflict, you know, the usual. I feel like it's really hard to change yourself, especially since you develop these habits over the years that you just really don't have a desire to quit. I think you can change smaller things that make a larger impact, like going into the year with a positive outlook, that things are going to be great and they probably will be. The new year presents you with new opportunities to better yourself, but not scrap the old you. You are the only you there's ever going to be, so why not embrace it. Once you learn to do that, you'll be able to really focus all your energy on making 2015 spectacular. 

What do you hope will happen in 2015? To develop more friendships? Travel to a new place? Plan more spontaneous adventures? Whatever it happens to be, make it great. 

I'll talk to you next year. 

-Belle xx

You're Not Valued by a Score

Do you ever just feel poorly about life? Like not a really sad or angry poorly or a sick poorly but just like almost a melancholy feeling of the word 'ugh'? Maybe it's just that this week has been incredibly long for it only to be a Wednesday, or I'm longing for Christmas break, or that the past few days have been below par, or that I actually haven't felt physically the best today, I just don't know.

Probably one of the major factors causing this feeling is my AP English class. The teacher has this mentality that the only right way is her way, which is by far one of the worst opinions you can have in the entire world. English is full of analysis and thought provoking questions that are going to be answered differently by each person depending on their background, what they've gone through in life, what they think about the universe. And to dictate that one learning approach is not acceptable over the other one is not okay. I strive to put a valiant effort into work that is intended to help me grow as a reader, writer, and person... not to please you. I don't understand why this concept is so hard to get through her head. I've never disliked English, it's been my favorite core class being it's my best subject. But thanks to her, this year I've been thinking otherwise. Teachers are suppose to encourage people on their learning paths and to keep them interested and learning in the subject they teach. Not turn them away from the subject completely. Now do I hate writing and reading because of her? No, but I sure as hell don't enjoy attending the class that leaves me with anxiety and enormous amounts of work. I really really tried to give her a chance, but I'm done. 

I think the other explainable reason as to why I'm feeling the way I am is because over the past couple days I've been comparing myself to others. Not in a way that you would assume, like the "She has prettier hair than me," comparison, but in the "Oh my God why do you test better than me/score better than me/accomplish life better than me and don't even have to try to accomplish it all?" way. I've always been an A student. I work hard, do well with my studies, but when it comes to taking a standardized test I feel like the stupidest person in the world. My scores aren't horrid, but they aren't what I really want them to be, you know? I just get really nervous when test taking. I'm also the kind of person that, if I work at it, can memorize stupid information fairly simply but then forgets it as soon as it's no longer relevant to my life which sucks when you need to remember math from a lesson in the prior year. All of this wouldn't nearly matter as much though if I wasn't so curious and have to know what other people scored because then I get that little thought in my head that I'm not as good as them and that I'm stupid and this is where the vicious cycle starts. It shouldn't matter! Everyone is good at different things in life and my skill happens to not be test taking. I'm good at art, I'm not the worst writer on the planet, I've heard I'm not shabby with a camera, and English is my strongest subject, no matter if the teacher hates me or not. Some people are just really good test takers. What about you? What's your strengths, your weaknesses? I'll tell you a secret. I've been told about a book that talks about improving yourself in the work place or just at life in general and they say to always keep your main focus on improving your strengths in life. We're all different, so let those differences shine! Your strengths are what put you above the rest (in the most non-conceited way possible). We can't all be doctors. We can't all be artists, we can't all be mathematicians, or English majors, or cops, or engineers. We need variety in life. So why focus your time and effort into improving your weaknesses that may or may not benefit to the rest of your life when you could be using that time and energy perfecting your craft and doing the things that make you happy? Cause isn't that the ultimate goal? Aren't we all striving to live life to the fullest, happiest way possible so we don't wake up at fifty years old hating the career we're stuck in with goals left un-achieved and a mess of questions left unanswered? Now I'm not going to avoid working on taking standardized tests or quit trying to figure out chem forever because one of the things that makes me happy is the feeling of achievement. And I'll be honest, grades matter a ton to me, so good grades = a happy Belle. But if I work on those weaknesses and don't get the best results in the world, I'm not going to let it define how the rest of my life goes. It is what it is, you know? I hope someone out there understands. And hey, comments are fun (although I've never gotten one, so who really knows). Comment your strengths. Be proud of who you are, because there's only one you. 

Oh! I almost forgot. I've reached over 500 views on my blog and I think that's pretty cool. Just knowing that someone out there is reading what goes on in my life is just so weird in a really good way. Thanks for anyone who's read it and who knows, maybe this whole thing will take off someday. Spread the word about Belle was here! (Fun self promo, YEAY!) 

Bye for now,

-Belle xx

Let Them Eat Cake

Recently I've started to consciously realize that I subconsciously get annoyed at little things people do. Things that may be apart of their daily routine or things that they've developed a habit for subconsciously as well and accidentally end up doing over and over again. A couple nights ago, I realized that I need to get over this ridiculous annoyance of my own. I noticed that the times at which I'm bothered by these things often occurs right away in the morning when I'm busy hating myself for staying up way later than needed the prior night, when I'm trying to concentrate on something, or when I've just had enough of the world for one day, but this shouldn't be an excuse to turn to annoyance for a solution. We're only on this planet for so long, and people will be people. Humans are the most fascinating things this world has to offer. Why do we choose to do the things we do, why do we feel the way we feel, why is my favorite color teal? These questions are just a shallow dent in the vastness that is the unknown of what makes us tick. And me being annoyed for the purpose of my own sanity isn't going to change the fact that people will be people. They'll still sing loudly off key, continuously tap their pencil on the table, say "like" every other word (guilty of this one myself on occasions), manage to tell you the same story twelve times, ask a question that's answer has already been stated multiple times, clear their throat over and over and OVER again, and talk about how great/shitty their day has been when yours was just the opposite. I can't control anyone but myself which means the only attitude that needs an adjustment is my own. Just the simple shift of how you choose to view things can  take a horrible day and make it a great one. Have you ever come across someone that you just cannot stand for whatever reason? Of course you have, we're all human and we all find some qualities in a person more annoying than others. It's a complete waste of your time to put all that energy towards hating that person when you could just let it go and move on with your life. Your life and your attitude drastically improves when you aren't concerned about seeing this person and having to make eye contact with them or even worse, speak to them (gasp). Focus that energy onto making you and your day the best it can be because when you're at your best, it tends to have an effect on those around you. And hey, maybe that person you formally hated will come around. What I'm trying to get at is just let them eat cake. Let people enjoy their lives and don't let the way that they choose to live effect you in a negative way because the last thing this world needs is more negativity. We've already got plenty of that. 

I challenge you to tell some people in your life that you appreciate them, and I can guarantee that appreciation will spread. Say if you tell five people, you'll be happier, they'll be happier and it'll make those around all of you happier because they're not dealing with negative people. And if those five people that you told decide to go out and each tell five more people and those people tell five more people and so on, we could maybe, just maybe, make the world a better place for everyone. 

Just a thought.

-Belle xx

It's Been a While...

I'm not quite sure how to begin this other than the obvious.

It's been a while. 

August. August was the last time that I posted my thoughts on this blog and I do feel like a bit of a failure. All the times I spent scrolling through endless news feeds of nonsense, I could have been writing about Europe. But as you know, It's been a while since July as well and my life did not come to a screeching halt after Europe, no, just the opposite. This incredible year has surely kept me alert and on my toes, so I figured I could spend an hour letting my thoughts flow and this could be more of like a chat between two old friends about what's gone on in my life for the past four months. That is, if you're interested. I'll get back to talking about Europe eventually (trust me, I talk about it every other day) but for now, hold tight and enjoy the now (well, I guess the past ((just forget it))).

August

August, the last month of summer. Moments that taste so sweet, but leave that bitter aftertaste behind in your mouth when it's over. Yet often, they can end up being the best moment. The beginning of the month was very calm with many visits and chats with friends that hadn't just been to Europe with me. I caught up on sleep, ate some good ol' American food and slept some more. That's when life began to pick up again. Some of my family rented a house on Lake Michigan in Wisconsin (or should I say a house that was advertised to be ON the lake but ended up being hidden by trees ACROSS THE STREET from the lake). Nevertheless, it was a relaxing time filled with some art, some YouTube, a bit of exploring mixed with, you guessed it, more food. I had to pack up and get back home after the vacation for a short week before me and my lovely friend, Elli, drove to Chicago for the final weekend of summer to see none other than One Direction at Soldier Field which was quite the experience. We stuffed ourselves at Giordano's, took an architectural river cruse, discovered a famous boy bands hotel, explored our own hotel to find a gorgeous ballroom, shopped in a very large Forever 21, went to the top of the John Hancock, toured SAIC (School of the Art Institute of Chicago), went though the institute of art museum, walked our feet off, and unfortunately, had to leave Chicago. It was a lovely trip back to one of my favorite cities. 

September

September seems to be the start of the second year within a year, you know? Like summer ends and classes begin and life seems to grab a hold of you and violently shake you in attempt to recall any information from last year that people assume you've held close to your heart over the summer, but we all know that's not the case. Friends re-enter your life that haven't been there for three or so months, and the routine kicks in that drives you insane. The same maddening, repulsive cycle that you so eagerly couldn't wait to get rid of is back once more. But there's a catch, it's ten times more stressful than the previous year. To add to the stress and entertainment simultaneously, I was asked to be assistant stage manager for Cinderella which was an incredible experience with some awesome people and an even more awesome stage manager, Caddie. The whole musical process runs through September, October, and ends a few weeks into November so that kept me plenty busy. I also am taking an AP drawing class which needs to have a portfolio of 24 compositions by March-April consisting of 12 breath pieces and 12 concentration pieces (I may do another blog post going into more detail on this subject). Long story short, September consisted of friends, little sleep, lots of work, lots of stress, some tears, and more stress. OH HOW COULD I FORGET. I saw Ed Sheeran's concert for Multiply and I was on the floor and he was so amazing. Like I've never been in a venue so big where it felt so personal. He has the ability to silence a crowd and the voice of an angel with lyrics and chats that make you feel like you've been best friends with the guy since you were four. I've never seen a more genuine musician and I cannot wait to see more of Ed. If you have the chance to see him live, please go. It will change your life. 

             

October

October has always been one of my favorite months of the year. It's when the holiday season seems to officially begin. Fall too, fall officially beginning. September is like borderline summer/fall so even though September may be trying to join the fall squad, my book won't allow it to join. Halloween was fairly calm. It was a Friday night, which was awesome so the actual physical squad of Belle's friends and not the months that make up seasons squad got together at Elli's house and we just ate lots of food and talked about life and the universe and everything while the Conjuring was playing on mute with Halloween music played overtop of the film making it much more manageable to watch even if I was still watching through the little slits between my fingers on as my hands covered my face. I don't do scary films as you can probably tell...

November

November consisted of a lot of the same things that September consisted of but this month was a bit more stressful, yet a bit more manageable, more or less tears (it depends on how you look at it), additional adventures, and a lot more food (Thanksgiving). Speaking of Thanksgiving, lets speak of the highlight of the month, shall we? This year, I went to Texas to visit family (but mostly their dogs). I got to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner, In-N-Out, Krispy Kreme, and some restaurants that I've never eaten at before. I spent my time catching up with family and chilling on the couch watching movies and driving all around Fort Worth. I also got to check out the impressionist exhibit at the Kimble which was beautiful. 

            

December

This brings me up to now, and the adventures left in the year of 2014. It's been a hell of a ride so far, and I hope this month is able to top it all off. 

Talk to you guys soon, and that's a promise. 

Much love, Belle xx