So I've come to the conclusion that I primarily post a blurb of my mind on Tuesdays (excusing last Tuesday because it completely slipped my mind and frankly nothing exciting has been taking place). Tuesdays shall be the day to blog, I guess. But as I've been mentioning, my trip to New York is coming up VERY soon and I couldn't be more excited to get away for a bit. I'm contemplating posting a summary of my day both for my memories sake and so I don't end up with one huge post at the end, but I'm still undecided. If anyone is reading this and has a suggestion, feel free to comment below.
This may sound strange, but I can't decide if I want to discuss Youtubers or Cancer. I know, two very different topics. I was planning on talking about Youtube and such today, but The Fault In Our Stars community has just started this site called Hearts4Hazel where you can go and share experiences you've had with the deadly disease or just how the book itself has impacted you. I think it's a lovely way to bring a group of people together and to hop on that roller coaster that doesn't always just go up...
I read a post on the site that was written by a girl very close to my age with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome which in short makes your joints extremely loose, easily damaged blood vessels, and it causes immense pain in general. I couldn't help but think how easily anyone could contract a disease such as that at any moment of their life. I wrote her a short message about how no one should have to experience such a horrid event and how she was an inspiration, but does any of that really matter? I'm sure she's heard it all before, that things will get better, how she's so brave. But when you're the one that's been lying on deaths door at one point in your life or another, I'm sure you don't feel so brave.
She's very thoughtful for her age. I don't understand why horrible things have to happen to lovely people, but I'm sure we'll never know. But now after scrolling through her own personal blog, I feel as though I know her. That I've now stepped onto her roller coaster as well, but I don't know if I can handle the whole ride. Just thinking about the future when her posts may come to a halt for she may be unable to go on, that makes me quite sick, and I don't have any connection to her whatsoever. I couldn't imagine what it must feel like to be in her place. I wouldn't wish cancer on my worst enemy.
Although, I do feel blessed in a way though to stumble upon her blog. Even if the future does scare me, she's handling it quite well herself. She's able to search for hope in places where it seems to be nonexistent and I find that to be such a beautiful outlook on life. I just want to help in some way, shape, or form, but I don't know how that's accomplishable. I'd rather go small scale to get more personal, but I could understand why people are more willing to help out the big picture which would be donating money for research. There's no attachment involved, no personal connection, no heart break, no loses in the long run. I want that personal connection. I want to directly communicate with someone and help them get through difficulties they stumble upon, but maybe I'm just being selfish about this. You can't be a superhero without a little heartbreak every now and again, and not everyone can save the world.
This was a downer post, but I'm feeling like a downer at the moment after reading about someone that I can't help myself. Like I said, it's her roller coaster and I've just joined for the rest of the ride. Maybe we'll get around to those Youtubers of mine next week. I promise, okay? Okay.
I want to leave you guys with a song called 'I Can Lift a Car' by the band Walk the Moon. They've touched my heart and hopefully they will touch yours as well. This song reminds you that if you've been having a hard time recently, it will get better. That you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. Including lifting up that metaphorical car of yours.
-Belle xx
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