Don't Let Fear Shut You Down

Jacksgap, one of my favorite accounts on YouTube, recently did a two part collaboration with Skype where they asked viewers from all over the world to submit clips of them explaining what they love and what they fear. Two seemingly simple questions evolved into two quite magical and thought provoking videos, so I thought what better to write about on a Sunday afternoon than fear itself? (I'll link both of the videos down below so you can watch them, if you'd like. And yes, I cried during both of them. Don't tell anyone, I'd hate for the Internet to find out.)

What do you fear?

Simple enough question to begin with, right? I've looked up the top 10 fears of people around the world, and these were the results: 

                                                                   1. Snakes

                                                                   2. Thunderstorms

                                                                   3. Darkness

                                                                   4. Heights

                                                                   5. Blood

                                                                   6. Death

                                                                   7. Rats/mice

                                                                   8. Spiders

                                                                   9. Dogs

                                                                   10. Flying

Now, on several different sites were a slightly different combination of almost all of those answers, so I think it's safe to say that those are pretty much the top 10. I could definitely vouch for some of those answers, but I feel as though myself (and a whole lot of other people) fear things that aren't entirely physical. The things in this world  that have more of a physiological impact in the long run. Many of the submissions from the Skype calls were very easy to relate to. The fear of being alone, feeling empty, not being happy in the future, the future itself, loosing the ones you love--those kind of fears.

There was just a big discussion on this very topic the other evening, actually, as part of 'The Great Think-off,' I believe. The question was asking what's the greatest motivator: Fear or Love? Right off the bat, I immediately sided with love being every argument seemed to lead back to it. But in the instant motivation, fear is what's going to get you moving, no matter what the outcome is for. The fear of striking out, the fear of death, the fear of never seeing loved ones again, fear kicks in with your natural instincts for survival. And I feel like our society has trained us to believe that fear is ultimately the death of you. That you have to always put on this strong front for the world as if to say everything is always okay and grand; that you're not struggling at all, because then others will take advantage of you in your time of weakness. Fear is not something that should be covered up. You need to recognize that you have a fear and find a way to overcome it to ultimately make you that stronger person. If you play the 'Everything is Okay' card all the time, you will have manifested what shuts yourself down. No one is able to handle all of that alone. Talk to someone you trust, someone who loves you, and tell them what been bothering you. Why you're scared of loosing them or yourself. Why you fear what's to come, and figure out how to overcome it. Fear is the matter of a mental barrier, which may be the most difficult to overcome, but it's not impossible.

So yes, embrace those fears that motivate you, that keep you going, that build you into a better and stronger person. But don't let those fears shut you down. The same thing that has this great ability to motivate you has an even greater ability to destroy you. The moment you let your fears get to you by telling yourself you aren't capable of something or that you're not strong enough to accomplish it is the moment you extinguish your light. That hope you once had is seemingly lost, and it's going to take a whole lot more than overcoming your fears to regain it.

Let fear be the motivation that keeps you going, not the thing that shuts you down. 

-Belle xx

Living Life Without a Plan B

Hey guys. Today I want to write about a topic that scares the hell out of me. The future. 

*screams are heard in the distance, buildings explode, and the universe collapses in on itself*

But really, it's a terrifying topic. Unless you've already got a set road map all laid in front of you that you've been sketching for years, I'm sure this then is a common feeling among us. I can barely decide what I want to eat for dinner let alone decide what classes I want to take eight months in advance. And not only that, but classes that are chosen based of off what I'm considering of pursuing in the future. IT ALL COMES BACK TO THE FUTURE. I don't know what exactly I want to do with my life yet, and why should I have to decide this instant? I do have some clue as to what I want to pursue though, and that is happiness. 

I don't want to be the kind person working for a salary. Someone who goes to a 9 to 5 (maybe even longer) job where I sit at a desk on a computer all day doing who knows what only to go back to my average suburban house and repeat the same maddening process daily. I've already wasted roughly twelve years of my life doing that already, I don't want to go out doing the same. I used to like the daily routine, maybe even enjoy it. I used to like knowing what I was getting into each and every day with a set schedule to follow. Now I absolutely hate it. I want spontaneity and a new exciting adventure each and every day. I want to learn some days and create others and explore the world around me the days in between. I want to be excited about life everyday. Not just the weekends, holidays, and summers. 

By now you all know that my passion is art. My mind is constantly developing ideas, seeing the world from a different perspective, needing to put what I cannot say through words onto paper. It's just how I tick. Being confined from being able to keep my mind on it's 'art' mode all the time isn't enjoyable. It's who I am, and I need to pursue this passion. I've recently become obsessed with Twenty One Pilots (no lie, I've listened to Vessel roughly 30 times this past month). The band is made up of two guys, Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun. You can tell they have such a devotion to their music and making sure their lyrics not only mean the world to them, but to their fans as well. Any experience you could imagine is captured within their songs; it's pretty magical to be honest. One day, I saw a little vine clip from an interview of theirs and Tyler was describing how he met Josh. He said, "Then I met Josh, a kid with no Plan B. He lived and breathed Plan A: Music." It just really struck me that once you find that thing that makes you tick, that thing that keeps you going, that thing that gets you up in the morning, you have to hold onto it and never let it go. Why should I have a backup plan when I want to devote myself to the thing I love most in this world? If you really have a passion for something, you will make it become a reality no matter how hard of a challenge you're faced with. If you are able to pursue your passion, you will never have to work a day in your life. I'll find a way to make it work and I'll find a way to financially support myself, I just don't want to wake up one day hating my life because let me remind you, we only get one. 

Find your passion and run with it. 

-Belle xx

P.S: Speaking of which, this is how I'm currently working on pursuing my passion. I'm very proud of this piece myself (Which doesn't happen all the time. You win some you loose some)

OH and song suggestion of the week? New thing? Since I was speaking of Twenty One Pilots, I figured I should mention one song for you to now go on and listen to. You should listen to the entire Vessel album, because I cannot choose a favorite, but one that really stuck with me today was Trees. 

Je Suis Charlie

I wanted to put in a word or two of mine in about the event that took place in Paris last Wednesday.

The violence that took place is inexcusable, and no, I'm not putting a blame for what was done on the religion of Islam at all. I recognize that there is a clear split between those apart of the religion that believe this sort of action is not apart of the Islamic values and detest that there is a portion of believers that practice it and ones that believe it to be right and just. 

But I didn't want to talk too much about this messy part of the issue. I want to speak of the outcome.  

It's incredible to see the global aftermath of the tragedy that occurred, with people from all different backgrounds coming together to support the freedom of speech and expression of France and the arts combined. It's a movement of peaceful ways with pencils raised and the brilliant thought that one pencil broken can be turned into two. The reaction that occurred gives me the hope that for every bad person there is in this world, there are thousands of others that are just the opposite who are willing to fight for others freedoms and people who can recognize that just because the event didn't happen anywhere close to them, it can hit just as close to home as someone in Paris who personally knew the victims.

I could wish all day for killings all over the world to come to a halt and that we would all view each other as equal and love and cherish everyone for who they are, but I know that this won't happen. I could wish that people would recognize that others are going to have differing opinions on subjects regarding the world and life to come and that that's okay because their views cannot alter yours as long as you don't allow them to, but I know that this won't happen. 

What I do know is that from what I've seen come out of this event, we have the ability to unite a great majority of the world based on some basic set of human values, whatever those may be. I know that out in the universe, others share these views of mine and want to do something about it, but can't as one small person. That's exactly why it's important to stand up and unite with those around you to see the change you want to be made, preferably in a peaceful way. And I know that others in this universe aren't going to agree with these views I share with you today, and that's okay. Whatever you believe, I hope you recognize that reacting with violence to a situation only makes the outcome ten times worse. Words are a powerful weapon in the process of achieving peace, which is why it's really cool to see "Je Suis Charlie" circling the Internet. 

As much as I'd like to keep wishing, I'm afraid the world is running scarcely low on magic. 

My thoughts go out to the loved ones of the victims involved in the Paris shooting. The world has lost several more creative sparks.

-Belle xx

New Year, New You?

Hello beautiful people of the Internet, how's life? 

I'd like to begin with a big Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Boxing Day, Happy EVERYTHING! I hope all of your celebrations were amazing and unforgettable with family, food, and fun. Now, onto a bit of reflection. 

2014

What a year. This has honestly been one of my favorites thus far. It definitely hasn't all been perfect, but the majority of it has been unforgettable. I started this blog at the beginning of this year and never would I thought that it get up to over 600 views by the end of the year, and from all over the world! Like I've had people reading it in France, Germany, everywhere. I never would have thought I'd keep it up as well. I wasn't exactly as consistent as I could have been, but maybe that will be the goal of 2015. More posts, even if they're just little updates. 

The year began with more snow days than you could imagine and ended with a brown Christmas. I traveled to New York, Texas, Illinois, Wisconsin, England, France, Germany, Switzerland, Austria, and Italy. I met some amazing people, and quite possibly lost a few along the way. I began to focus more on art. I saw amazing concerts. I slept and danced and ate and sang and talked and laughed and cried and experienced life for what it truly is. I thought about the future and began to be afraid, afraid of what's to come, afraid that I won't be prepared for it, but really why should I be afraid of what's yet to come, something that I can't exactly control? But the decisions I'm making now really are effecting my future, so you see my dilemma. I guess we all experience this feeling on occasions and I don't believe there's a solution or a way to prevent it. It's just a part of life. Uncertainty, the silent killer. The movie is in development now... 

What I really wanted to talk about though was not the year I had, but the scary future that I was just talking about by moving forward into the new year. You know how the saying goes... "New year, new me," and I can't help but find it a bit ridiculous. No matter what I propose to change about myself, I'm still going to be the same old Belle, sleeping until noon whenever possible, procrastinating anything involving school, eating junk food, avoiding conflict, you know, the usual. I feel like it's really hard to change yourself, especially since you develop these habits over the years that you just really don't have a desire to quit. I think you can change smaller things that make a larger impact, like going into the year with a positive outlook, that things are going to be great and they probably will be. The new year presents you with new opportunities to better yourself, but not scrap the old you. You are the only you there's ever going to be, so why not embrace it. Once you learn to do that, you'll be able to really focus all your energy on making 2015 spectacular. 

What do you hope will happen in 2015? To develop more friendships? Travel to a new place? Plan more spontaneous adventures? Whatever it happens to be, make it great. 

I'll talk to you next year. 

-Belle xx

You're Not Valued by a Score

Do you ever just feel poorly about life? Like not a really sad or angry poorly or a sick poorly but just like almost a melancholy feeling of the word 'ugh'? Maybe it's just that this week has been incredibly long for it only to be a Wednesday, or I'm longing for Christmas break, or that the past few days have been below par, or that I actually haven't felt physically the best today, I just don't know.

Probably one of the major factors causing this feeling is my AP English class. The teacher has this mentality that the only right way is her way, which is by far one of the worst opinions you can have in the entire world. English is full of analysis and thought provoking questions that are going to be answered differently by each person depending on their background, what they've gone through in life, what they think about the universe. And to dictate that one learning approach is not acceptable over the other one is not okay. I strive to put a valiant effort into work that is intended to help me grow as a reader, writer, and person... not to please you. I don't understand why this concept is so hard to get through her head. I've never disliked English, it's been my favorite core class being it's my best subject. But thanks to her, this year I've been thinking otherwise. Teachers are suppose to encourage people on their learning paths and to keep them interested and learning in the subject they teach. Not turn them away from the subject completely. Now do I hate writing and reading because of her? No, but I sure as hell don't enjoy attending the class that leaves me with anxiety and enormous amounts of work. I really really tried to give her a chance, but I'm done. 

I think the other explainable reason as to why I'm feeling the way I am is because over the past couple days I've been comparing myself to others. Not in a way that you would assume, like the "She has prettier hair than me," comparison, but in the "Oh my God why do you test better than me/score better than me/accomplish life better than me and don't even have to try to accomplish it all?" way. I've always been an A student. I work hard, do well with my studies, but when it comes to taking a standardized test I feel like the stupidest person in the world. My scores aren't horrid, but they aren't what I really want them to be, you know? I just get really nervous when test taking. I'm also the kind of person that, if I work at it, can memorize stupid information fairly simply but then forgets it as soon as it's no longer relevant to my life which sucks when you need to remember math from a lesson in the prior year. All of this wouldn't nearly matter as much though if I wasn't so curious and have to know what other people scored because then I get that little thought in my head that I'm not as good as them and that I'm stupid and this is where the vicious cycle starts. It shouldn't matter! Everyone is good at different things in life and my skill happens to not be test taking. I'm good at art, I'm not the worst writer on the planet, I've heard I'm not shabby with a camera, and English is my strongest subject, no matter if the teacher hates me or not. Some people are just really good test takers. What about you? What's your strengths, your weaknesses? I'll tell you a secret. I've been told about a book that talks about improving yourself in the work place or just at life in general and they say to always keep your main focus on improving your strengths in life. We're all different, so let those differences shine! Your strengths are what put you above the rest (in the most non-conceited way possible). We can't all be doctors. We can't all be artists, we can't all be mathematicians, or English majors, or cops, or engineers. We need variety in life. So why focus your time and effort into improving your weaknesses that may or may not benefit to the rest of your life when you could be using that time and energy perfecting your craft and doing the things that make you happy? Cause isn't that the ultimate goal? Aren't we all striving to live life to the fullest, happiest way possible so we don't wake up at fifty years old hating the career we're stuck in with goals left un-achieved and a mess of questions left unanswered? Now I'm not going to avoid working on taking standardized tests or quit trying to figure out chem forever because one of the things that makes me happy is the feeling of achievement. And I'll be honest, grades matter a ton to me, so good grades = a happy Belle. But if I work on those weaknesses and don't get the best results in the world, I'm not going to let it define how the rest of my life goes. It is what it is, you know? I hope someone out there understands. And hey, comments are fun (although I've never gotten one, so who really knows). Comment your strengths. Be proud of who you are, because there's only one you. 

Oh! I almost forgot. I've reached over 500 views on my blog and I think that's pretty cool. Just knowing that someone out there is reading what goes on in my life is just so weird in a really good way. Thanks for anyone who's read it and who knows, maybe this whole thing will take off someday. Spread the word about Belle was here! (Fun self promo, YEAY!) 

Bye for now,

-Belle xx

Let Them Eat Cake

Recently I've started to consciously realize that I subconsciously get annoyed at little things people do. Things that may be apart of their daily routine or things that they've developed a habit for subconsciously as well and accidentally end up doing over and over again. A couple nights ago, I realized that I need to get over this ridiculous annoyance of my own. I noticed that the times at which I'm bothered by these things often occurs right away in the morning when I'm busy hating myself for staying up way later than needed the prior night, when I'm trying to concentrate on something, or when I've just had enough of the world for one day, but this shouldn't be an excuse to turn to annoyance for a solution. We're only on this planet for so long, and people will be people. Humans are the most fascinating things this world has to offer. Why do we choose to do the things we do, why do we feel the way we feel, why is my favorite color teal? These questions are just a shallow dent in the vastness that is the unknown of what makes us tick. And me being annoyed for the purpose of my own sanity isn't going to change the fact that people will be people. They'll still sing loudly off key, continuously tap their pencil on the table, say "like" every other word (guilty of this one myself on occasions), manage to tell you the same story twelve times, ask a question that's answer has already been stated multiple times, clear their throat over and over and OVER again, and talk about how great/shitty their day has been when yours was just the opposite. I can't control anyone but myself which means the only attitude that needs an adjustment is my own. Just the simple shift of how you choose to view things can  take a horrible day and make it a great one. Have you ever come across someone that you just cannot stand for whatever reason? Of course you have, we're all human and we all find some qualities in a person more annoying than others. It's a complete waste of your time to put all that energy towards hating that person when you could just let it go and move on with your life. Your life and your attitude drastically improves when you aren't concerned about seeing this person and having to make eye contact with them or even worse, speak to them (gasp). Focus that energy onto making you and your day the best it can be because when you're at your best, it tends to have an effect on those around you. And hey, maybe that person you formally hated will come around. What I'm trying to get at is just let them eat cake. Let people enjoy their lives and don't let the way that they choose to live effect you in a negative way because the last thing this world needs is more negativity. We've already got plenty of that. 

I challenge you to tell some people in your life that you appreciate them, and I can guarantee that appreciation will spread. Say if you tell five people, you'll be happier, they'll be happier and it'll make those around all of you happier because they're not dealing with negative people. And if those five people that you told decide to go out and each tell five more people and those people tell five more people and so on, we could maybe, just maybe, make the world a better place for everyone. 

Just a thought.

-Belle xx

It's Been a While...

I'm not quite sure how to begin this other than the obvious.

It's been a while. 

August. August was the last time that I posted my thoughts on this blog and I do feel like a bit of a failure. All the times I spent scrolling through endless news feeds of nonsense, I could have been writing about Europe. But as you know, It's been a while since July as well and my life did not come to a screeching halt after Europe, no, just the opposite. This incredible year has surely kept me alert and on my toes, so I figured I could spend an hour letting my thoughts flow and this could be more of like a chat between two old friends about what's gone on in my life for the past four months. That is, if you're interested. I'll get back to talking about Europe eventually (trust me, I talk about it every other day) but for now, hold tight and enjoy the now (well, I guess the past ((just forget it))).

August

August, the last month of summer. Moments that taste so sweet, but leave that bitter aftertaste behind in your mouth when it's over. Yet often, they can end up being the best moment. The beginning of the month was very calm with many visits and chats with friends that hadn't just been to Europe with me. I caught up on sleep, ate some good ol' American food and slept some more. That's when life began to pick up again. Some of my family rented a house on Lake Michigan in Wisconsin (or should I say a house that was advertised to be ON the lake but ended up being hidden by trees ACROSS THE STREET from the lake). Nevertheless, it was a relaxing time filled with some art, some YouTube, a bit of exploring mixed with, you guessed it, more food. I had to pack up and get back home after the vacation for a short week before me and my lovely friend, Elli, drove to Chicago for the final weekend of summer to see none other than One Direction at Soldier Field which was quite the experience. We stuffed ourselves at Giordano's, took an architectural river cruse, discovered a famous boy bands hotel, explored our own hotel to find a gorgeous ballroom, shopped in a very large Forever 21, went to the top of the John Hancock, toured SAIC (School of the Art Institute of Chicago), went though the institute of art museum, walked our feet off, and unfortunately, had to leave Chicago. It was a lovely trip back to one of my favorite cities. 

September

September seems to be the start of the second year within a year, you know? Like summer ends and classes begin and life seems to grab a hold of you and violently shake you in attempt to recall any information from last year that people assume you've held close to your heart over the summer, but we all know that's not the case. Friends re-enter your life that haven't been there for three or so months, and the routine kicks in that drives you insane. The same maddening, repulsive cycle that you so eagerly couldn't wait to get rid of is back once more. But there's a catch, it's ten times more stressful than the previous year. To add to the stress and entertainment simultaneously, I was asked to be assistant stage manager for Cinderella which was an incredible experience with some awesome people and an even more awesome stage manager, Caddie. The whole musical process runs through September, October, and ends a few weeks into November so that kept me plenty busy. I also am taking an AP drawing class which needs to have a portfolio of 24 compositions by March-April consisting of 12 breath pieces and 12 concentration pieces (I may do another blog post going into more detail on this subject). Long story short, September consisted of friends, little sleep, lots of work, lots of stress, some tears, and more stress. OH HOW COULD I FORGET. I saw Ed Sheeran's concert for Multiply and I was on the floor and he was so amazing. Like I've never been in a venue so big where it felt so personal. He has the ability to silence a crowd and the voice of an angel with lyrics and chats that make you feel like you've been best friends with the guy since you were four. I've never seen a more genuine musician and I cannot wait to see more of Ed. If you have the chance to see him live, please go. It will change your life. 

             

October

October has always been one of my favorite months of the year. It's when the holiday season seems to officially begin. Fall too, fall officially beginning. September is like borderline summer/fall so even though September may be trying to join the fall squad, my book won't allow it to join. Halloween was fairly calm. It was a Friday night, which was awesome so the actual physical squad of Belle's friends and not the months that make up seasons squad got together at Elli's house and we just ate lots of food and talked about life and the universe and everything while the Conjuring was playing on mute with Halloween music played overtop of the film making it much more manageable to watch even if I was still watching through the little slits between my fingers on as my hands covered my face. I don't do scary films as you can probably tell...

November

November consisted of a lot of the same things that September consisted of but this month was a bit more stressful, yet a bit more manageable, more or less tears (it depends on how you look at it), additional adventures, and a lot more food (Thanksgiving). Speaking of Thanksgiving, lets speak of the highlight of the month, shall we? This year, I went to Texas to visit family (but mostly their dogs). I got to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner, In-N-Out, Krispy Kreme, and some restaurants that I've never eaten at before. I spent my time catching up with family and chilling on the couch watching movies and driving all around Fort Worth. I also got to check out the impressionist exhibit at the Kimble which was beautiful. 

            

December

This brings me up to now, and the adventures left in the year of 2014. It's been a hell of a ride so far, and I hope this month is able to top it all off. 

Talk to you guys soon, and that's a promise. 

Much love, Belle xx